In our culture today many see divorce as a positive solution to a
troubled marriage, an easy fix. However, divorce is not always a solution, but
in most cases it is only an exchange of problems. Marriage is a covenant
between God, and a man and a woman. Malachi 2:16, tells us that God hates
divorce! Why? Because He knows and understand the heartbreak, pain and
devastation from it. Those vows to stand by each other in riches and in
poverty, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others,
as long as they both shall live, seems like only a poem to most people that are
going through the heartache of marriage troubles. Yet, those troubles are the very
reason that they are included in their marriage vows. Any covenant that is made
from human lips is a binding, weighty obligation and should never be taken
lightly. Proverbs 20:25 tells us that, "It is a trap for a man to dedicate
something rashly and only later to consider his vows". Deuteronomy 23:23
says, "You shall be careful to perform what goes out from your lips, just
as you have voluntarily vowed to the Lord your God what you have
promised." Jesus said that "every careless word that men shall speak,
they shall render account for it in the day of judgment" Matthew 12:36.
God takes the wedding covenant seriously, even when we do not. Most couples
seeking a divorce today do so for unbiblical reasons. They cite reasons such as
poor communication, incompatibility, financial problems, lack of commitment to
the relationship, changes in priorities and even a selfish act of their so
called right to do as they choose with no regard how it may affect others. In
short, when marriage isn't working, the common solution is to simply get out of
it. And often times when they do seek help, they in no way want to do the work
that it may take to resolve and restore a broken marriage. God never ordained
or created the institution of divorce. Man did that because of his own hard
heart. There are passages of scripture that indicate there are a couple of
circumstances in which God releases a couple from the lifelong covenant of
marriage: Adultery and immorality is one. However, even in those cases if there
is a willingness to forgive and restore that relationship, then the act of
reconciliation is the best choice. In a discussion between Christ and the
Pharisees in Matthew 19, after Jesus refers to God's original purposes for
marriage, He is asked, "Why then did Moses command to give her a
certificate of divorce and send her away?" Jesus then answered,
"Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your
wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. And I say to you,
whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman
commits adultery" Matthew 19:7-9. Another is when an unbelieving spouse
deserts a believer. 1 Corinthians 7:15-17, Yet if the unbelieving one leaves,
let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases,
but God has called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife, whether you will
save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your
wife? Only, as the Lord has assigned to each one, as God has called each, in
this manner let him walk. The ideal intention for marriage holds that the only
exception for divorce is death. A key verse in is Matthew 19:8 where Jesus says
to the Pharisees, "Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you
to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way."
In addition, Paul states in 1 Corinthians 7:24, "Each man must remain in
that condition in which he was called”. Are you bound to a husband or wife? Do
not seek to be released." Is your marriage about to end? The question that
you are now facing is, do you want to save your marriage? Do you want to honor
your marriage vows. Are you willing to trust God for reconciliation in your
marriage to change those things that you cannot? Don’t trust only in your
selves, because too often the trust has been broken there. Do trust in God to
restore what the enemy has stolen from you and allow healing to come.
Often times a spouse will ignore for years the alarms of
discontent that their mate has been crying out for them to notice, yet, none of
those complaints may have sounded like they would end up being causes, for
divorce, at the time. When “suddenly” someone announces that he or she is
moving out, wants to end the marriage, or even has filed already for divorce
and the ground below them shakes like an earthquake. Is there any way to stop a
divorce? If you are going through a strained relationship you may find the
stress and emotional anguish difficult to bear. There are long-lasting and
far-reaching effects that need to be considered before making life changing
decisions. However your ability to think clearly and rationally about the
future is often clouded by the emotional trauma you are experiencing. Seek help
to walk through those difficult times when you cannot see through the clouds
yourself. It is not so much a specific problem that leads to divorce with the
exception of infidelity, but are most often issues with the way couples are
relating to one another. How they choose to respond to those problems. Working
together in a healthy, constructive fashion to achieve the proper healing in
their marriage. While it is very possible it does take determination and work.
Some of the factors that have brought you to the place you are today if your
marriage is in trouble and you are considering a divorce can very well be
traced back to a number of common problems that every marriage faces. Depending
upon how each couple learns to walk through those problems will determine the
longevity of that marriage.
These common problems range from financial problems
and disagreements about money to a lack of commitment, which may include
marrying too young or marrying the wrong person. Others are Infidelity and
betrayal, long term arguing and disagreement on child rearing and unrealistic
assumptions about what marriage is. You will always have problems when you are
thinking that marriage is 50/50, which is not true in any marriage. Some
couples face physical, and emotional abuse, as well as alcohol and substances
addictions. But many times over, these are not the root of the problem.
The root is that the marriage is one sided, and no matter how hard one works
the other will not yield. No matter how much you want it to get better, both
the husband and the wife must agree to work together. While there are a number
of things that can hurt or hinder a resolve in broken relationships, here are a
few. You pick the ones that may apply to you and work hard towards making
changes to improve what you know in your heart needs to be done. They are:
Ongoing criticism. Particularly when the criticism is not outweighed by
positive statements. Contempt and lack of respect for each other. This festers
and grows in a relationship and can devastate a relationship quicker than
anything. Defensiveness. People who cannot take responsibility for a problem
cannot fix it and cannot display empathy for how their spouse may be feeling.
Deliberate avoidance of interaction and discussion of how the other feels will
make it impossible to resolve an argument. You cannot fix what you will not
admit to. Unwillingness to forgive and move on. Not forgiving someone hurts
only the one who had been wronged. You must forgive! Denying that you may be
part of the problem or not wanting anyone to know about your situation, or
unwilling to seek help is simply prideful and reveals an unwilling spirit in
you that speaks volumes to your mate and others about you. It shows that you
have no desire to do what it will take to change or take responsibility. Some
of the strongest relationships that you will ever find are from those who have
been through hardships in their marriages that almost ended had there not been
strong commitment and determination to finish that which they both vowed
together to complete. If today you are in a place of hardship in your marriage,
take on the role of the postage stamp and stick to it until you get to place in
your marriage that you long to be. The destination can be sweeter than the
beginning, if the effort is made to do whatever it takes to get there. “Hatred
stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.” Proverbs 10:12
Hold Fast,
Bren
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