Adolescence… The Latin meaning for that word is simply, “To grow up”. Just listen to yourself as you say it…can you hear the phrase, “Add A Lesson” in it? While that may not be the Greek meaning for it… it does mean something to Southern folk in the way we raise our children. Raising children is one of the most difficult but most rewarding task that we will ever take on, in our lifetime. It seems that when our children are small they are more manageable and compliant as to what we want or expect them to do. We say…and they do, for the most part anyway! Then, without warning, they hit those adolescent years and no matter how hard we have planned, prepared and even been warned about them, they hit, and throw everyone in the family for a loop! Never, in our wildest imaginations did we think it would turn out the way it does. Those precious little ones that were so cute and compliant, have awaken from their slumber only to have become defiant, rebellious and even wayward preteen adolescences that turn into full blown wild, hard-headed teenagers. Can you relate?
Depending upon the child, the parent, factoring in the personalities, peer pressures and hormones, life can very easily become a mud slide of emotions and attitudes during these years.
This happens in order for God’s natural order of growth to take place. Every child must become independent of their parents. How we as parents learn to deal and respond to them during those years, will determine how they will feel in their new skins once they reach those teen years and even into adulthood. As our children get older, they begin to break away from their dependence upon their parents and realize that within them is a nature that is crying out for independence apart from the authority of their parents. At times that nature will tug at them to pull away from the directions in which their parents may be going. When that happens, keeping them on your team will benefit both you the parent as well as the adolescent. Col. 3:21 says, “Fathers, do not embitter your children or they will become discouraged” and Eph. 6:4 tells us, “…do not exasperate your children to wrath…” This is where “Add the lesson” comes in to play. You have heard the saying, “teachable moments” that is exactly what “Add the lesson” means. God’s Word instructs parents to go about teaching their children moment by moment, all day long. That means to utilize every opportunity that comes along to teach them important “Life lessons”. Cease each moment…and make use of it to benefit their upbringing. Be patient knowing that they do not have your experiences in making mistakes, you didn’t either when you were their age. Making right choices often comes only from making wrong choices and learning from them. Our children need our time and patience to learn these valuable lessons.
Most parents are looking for a 3 to 5 Step Plan or Program to assist them in raising their children. When in fact, the only plan that they should be utilizing in raising them is in truth, love, proper discipline and accountability…for both the child and the parent. You see, God holds the parent far more responsible in how they bring their children up than society understands or believes today. Far too many times children grow up in environments that dictate their upbringing… instead of training and guiding them by their parent’s examples.
Through the years in counseling and dealing with children and teenagers. I have heard two resounding complaints from them concerning their home-life. They are: “I wish my parents would admit that they are wrong, because everyone knows that they are!” and “I hate that my parents tell me not to drink, smoke and use fowl language, yet they do!”. My friend those parent’s will not have a leg to stand on when confronting their wayward child as they venture out to live the life that they saw their parents live before them in their homes.
The scriptures tell us in Proverbs to “Train up a child in the way they should go…”, that means train by example, not by what you tell them to do…and in doing so, while they may stray away until they find the way back to they way you trained them…..only then can you claim that promise…..that when they are growing older they will not depart from the truth. Like the prodigal son, most people have to find their own way through life and life’s mistakes and experiences. That does not mean that they will not do wrong, what it does mean, while they may stray a bit, they will come back to the truth that you lived before them and that is your hope!
Basically, children are very forgiving beings. That is why the scripture teaches us to be like children ourselves, in many ways especially our attitudes. Children do not have years of bitterness and unforgiveness that influence their behavior. They are very trusting and easily forgiving. The problem many times in a home is not the child, but the parents. There are a lot of parents that need to go to their children, even their adult children and simply say, “I am sorry!” Even if that parent can not see the harm or pain they may have caused in the heart of their child, they should be willing to do whatever it takes to bring restoration to their children and in their home.
Even the best of parents run into tribulations during those child-rearing years, but the sadness can be lessoned as parents take more responsibility in how they are living before their children, as well as how they are bringing them up!
Our children will learn by the lessons that we live before them, we just need to determine the lesson plan that we will use to get them to where they need to be and stick with it! The world is like a battlefield that our children will be thrown into. We must give them the proper training by showing them by our examples how to survive, not simply yelling out commands in their face!
Loving you today.....
Bren
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