THE TOUGH TASK OF RAISING TEENAGERS

 

Have you ever ask yourself this question…..”What are teenagers thinking? Sure you have...we all do, even though we were once teenagers ourselves. Teenagers are thinking the same thing we thought about when we were their age. While they may venture out in a different direction than we might have, they nevertheless struggle with the same emotions and stages of growing up that you and I did. I remember when I was  teenager, I began to think things like, “When I have kids I am going to…”  and of course I would add a number of things that I was going to do, that was totally different than what my parents had done.

The fact that teens suffer with, a lack of experience in every facet of their young lives, causes them to be one sided in their thinking. That means that they can only relate to how or what they think about something in that moment.  And while they may act or do something very stupid and compulsive in our adult way of thinking; they are just being normal for their age; and while some may make better decisions than others during those teen years, they all ...will still surprise you with their actions at some point or another.

You see the role of a parent changes as that child changes. Parents will change from teachers to counselor and adviser's as their children grow up; and while they never really stop teaching their children, parent's must learn to step back, and take the role of the learned counselor and advisor dealing with them in understanding and love. When they are small, we parent's meet our children's needs according to what their age and needs may be at the time. As they get older, their need for us is less,  as they become more independent of us, just the way God intended it to be.

It is during those teen years that we become more "the tour guide", in their life. We walk with them ... touring around along side them, guiding  and advising them to make the right choices, but letting them actually, make the choice. Should they venture off and try to make what we know is a wrong decision and will do harm in their lives;  then, the proper discipline may be needed to keep them within the boundaries that have been established for them in their home.

Parent's find out quickly that the methods of discipline that may have worked well in those earlier years may no longer get the same results.  Most parents will find that controlling what their teen can have or do as discipline works better during those adolescent and teen years...if they stay consisitant and not give in... for the most part, works. Teens love having their own stuff and their own territory and removing them can be very useful in disciplining a youth.  

 

The teen years are some of the hardest of any stage of maturity and are the most misunderstood. They pose some of the most difficult challenges for any family. It is the time that children begin to break away from their parents authority, wanting to try and do things the way they want to do them... even if it conflicts with their parents... and to that teen, it will be worth a fight to get their way or point across. The challenging  job of the parent is to make sure that as they do break away,  they do so with the right heart attitude and at just the right time. While tough and difficult, the goal of the parent is to help their child break away by reducing their independence upon them while challenging them to become responsible as well as independent.

It is very important to teens that they are allowed to voice their opinions and ideas and while they may not always seem like the right ones... they still need to be heard and counseled guiding them to do the right thing. For a teen is much more apt to listen to a parent who is considering their thoughts and ideas, than to a parent who blindsides them with a NO before they have even been heard.  Making a teen feel like they are part of a solution is much better than making them feel like they are part of the problem. Love covers a multitude of wrongdoings for both the parent and the teenager.

If a teen is showing signs of aggressive behavior, violence, drug or alcohol abuse, promiscuity, or others unacceptable behavior, then those parent's may need to seek outside help in dealing with those types of behavioral problems.

While being independent of their parents is a natural thing to do; they must be counseled to understand that the desires and decisions that they may have and want to make, must be within the boundaries of what God’s Word teaches; or else the influences of those decisions can lead them to moral decay. Even the scriptures teach us that bad morals corrupt good values. They need to know that their life will be filled with consequences and their happiness will come from their recognizing and avoiding the bad ones by doing it right the first time.

As a parent and grandparent myself, I know how hard it is to keep your kids on your team. It takes much consistant effort and many times, agonizing prayer over them. There may even come a time that one of your children may seem to be slipping away from all the work that you have invested into them....may I encourage you today...not to grow weary as you struggle to be the parent that God wants you to be. Keep being consistiant, stay connected to the Lord, your family and your Church family and whatever you do....stay the course! Don't give up! Don't you dare give up....because when they return to their senses after they have wollard with the crowd and eaten with the pigs...just keep praying and trusting for their return, and when they do....the party will be on!

“When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ So he got up and went to his father. “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.  Luke 15:17-20

Loving you and encourgeing you today my friend!
Bren

SURVIVING ADOLESCENCE

Adolescence… The Latin meaning for that word is simply, “To grow up”.  Just listen to yourself as you say it…can you hear the phrase, “Add A Lesson” in it? While that may not be the Greek meaning for it… it does mean something to Southern folk in the way we raise our children. Raising children is one of the most difficult but most rewarding task that we will ever take on, in our lifetime. It seems that when our children are small they are more manageable and compliant as to what we want or expect them to do. We say…and they do, for the most part anyway! Then, without warning, they hit those adolescent years and no matter how hard we have planned, prepared and even been warned about them, they hit, and throw everyone in the family for a loop! Never, in our wildest imaginations did we think it would turn out the way it does. Those precious little ones that were so cute and compliant, have awaken from their slumber only to have become defiant, rebellious and even wayward preteen adolescences that turn into full blown wild, hard-headed teenagers. Can you relate?

Depending upon the child, the parent, factoring in the personalities, peer pressures and hormones, life can very easily become a mud slide of emotions and attitudes during these years.

This happens in order for God’s natural order of growth to take place. Every child must become independent of their parents.  How we as parents learn to deal and respond to them during those years, will determine how they will feel in their new skins once they reach those teen years and even into adulthood. As our children get older, they begin to break away from their dependence upon their parents and realize that within them is a nature that is crying out for independence apart from the authority of their parents. At times that nature will tug at them to pull away from the directions in which their parents may be going. When that happens, keeping them on your team will benefit both you the parent as well as the adolescent. Col. 3:21 says, “Fathers, do not embitter your children or they will become discouraged” and Eph. 6:4 tells us, “…do not exasperate your children to wrath…” This is where “Add the lesson” comes in to play. You have heard the saying, “teachable moments” that is exactly what “Add the lesson” means. God’s Word instructs parents to go about teaching their children moment by moment, all day long. That means to utilize every opportunity that comes along to teach them important “Life lessons”.  Cease each moment…and make use of it to benefit their upbringing. Be patient knowing that they do not have your experiences in making mistakes, you didn’t either when you were their age. Making right choices often comes only from making wrong choices and learning from them. Our children need our time and patience to learn these valuable lessons.

Most parents are looking for a 3 to 5 Step Plan or Program to assist them in raising their children. When in fact, the only plan that they should be utilizing in raising them is in truth, love, proper discipline and accountability…for both the child and the parent. You see, God holds the parent far more responsible in how they bring their children up than society understands or believes today. Far too many times children grow up in environments that dictate their upbringing… instead of training and guiding them by their parent’s examples.

Through the years in counseling and dealing with children and teenagers. I have heard two resounding complaints from them concerning their home-life. They are: “I wish my parents would admit that they are wrong, because everyone knows that they are!” and “I hate that my parents tell me not to drink, smoke and use fowl language, yet they do!”. My friend those parent’s will not have a leg to stand on when confronting their wayward child as they venture out to live the life that they saw their parents live before them in their homes.

The scriptures tell us in Proverbs to “Train up a child in the way they should go…”, that means train by example, not by what you tell them to do…and in doing so, while they may stray away until they find the way back to they way you trained them…..only then can you claim that promise…..that when they are growing older they will not depart from the truth. Like the prodigal son, most people have to find their own way through life and life’s mistakes and experiences. That does not mean that they will not do wrong, what it does mean, while they may stray a bit, they will come back to the truth that you lived before them and that is your hope!

Basically, children are very forgiving beings. That is why the scripture teaches us to be like children ourselves, in many ways especially our attitudes. Children do not have years of bitterness and unforgiveness that influence their behavior. They are very trusting and easily forgiving. The problem many times in a home is not the child, but the parents.  There are a lot of parents that need to go to their children, even their adult children and simply say, “I am sorry!” Even if that parent can not see the harm or pain they may have caused in the heart of their child, they should be willing to do whatever it takes to bring restoration to their children and in their home.

Even the best of parents run into tribulations during those child-rearing years, but the sadness can be lessoned as parents take more responsibility in how they are living before their children, as well as how they are bringing them up!

Our children will learn by the lessons that we live before them, we just need to determine the lesson plan that we will use to get them to where they need to be and stick with it! The world is like a battlefield that our children will be thrown into. We must give them the proper training by showing them by our examples how to survive, not simply yelling out commands in their face!

Loving you today.....

Bren

TURNING YOUR TRAILS INTO TREASURE

I remember when I was young, my grandmother use to save pieces of cloth and use them to make her quilts with. I can still remember seeing those old rages of material and wonder why she would keep them.... those ugly old scraps. Yet, it never failed that she would somehow manage to produce the most beautiful patterns and colors in the quilts that she made from them. Funny how life is like that as well. We, see our trials as defeat before we even begin to battle them. God however, sees them as treasures in diskies. He sees what they could turn into, if we respond to them and manage them the way He has instructed us to..


Hardly a day goes by that we or someone in our family does not face some sort of difficulty or tribulation. Problems will arise that will challenge and irritate, sending electrical serge's of frustration throughout our body. When this happens if we will recognize it's intent and then deal with according to how Ephesians 6 tells us to, we can experience peace, no matter how bad the trial may be to us at the moment.


The Bible tells us in Ephesians 6 that we war not against the flesh, but with an unseen enemy.... powers and principalities that wage war against us, as God's children. This basically means that, anytime we are in conflict that involves trials, tribulations or problems with others, of any kind; that we are to remember that we are not battling that person or that situation but the unseen enemy himself. satan is the enemy of every believer. He has but one purpose in our lives and that is to defeat us... in living as victors in Christ and please know this: he will go about doing that... in every way imaginable.


When you encounter a trail or problem, if you will take the steps to first recognize the real source; then think about your reaction before you respond, and determine to see what you can do to turn the irritation around and use it to your advantage, you will find that you may be able to salvage that situation into something good...and as cliche as it may sound; make something good out of something bad. With Christ ...ALL things are possible to them that believe....


Here are the steps that I have found help me if I will apply them:

• Identify The Source - Is it with another person, an unwanted circumstance, brought on by self
• What Is My Reaction - To Blame others, be blinded by my anger, defend self
• Can It be Changed - Is it within my power to change anything ..at all
• Determine A Plan That Will Turn The Irritation Around And Use It For My Advantage

There is a way out....but we must be willing to go the extra mile to make it happen and stop the bickering of blame and excuses. It has never been about me or you....it is... and always has been, about God...doing it His way and being held accountable for doing everything in my power to make amends and resolve any conflict. But so many times, my short lived frustrations have kept me from the victory and the beauty that could be mine if I would just do "that thing", whatever God may be asking or requiring of me to do.....and when I do, peace comes in and who is right and who is wrong does not seem to matter any more. The simple fact that I obeyed and did what I knew that I should do to restore peace in every situation is enough!


Our jobs are simple...they are to Identify and Transform every situation....and as we do, we are making something useful, something beautiful to the Lord out of what satan had meant to cause pain and defeat!


Let's do that thing....don't you give up....don't you dare give up...loving on you today,
Bren

THE DEEPER WALK

Our affections can so quickly and easily turn from Jesus to other “things”. Periodically, we need to stop and evaluate our priorities and values. A deeper walk will only come as we begin to put to death the flesh in us and allow God to quicken us with His Spirit.

The question we must put before ourselves, is how precious is Jesus to me right now? If we do not think much of Him, then of course to give Him anything at all however small, will seem to us a waste. But when He is really precious to our souls, nothing will be too good, nothing too costly for Him. Everything we have, our dearest, our most precious treasure, we will pour out upon Him and we will not count it as shame or loss to have done so.

Of Mary, the Lord said, “She hath done what she could”. What that means is that she had given her all. She had kept nothing in reserve. She had lavished on Him all that she had and on that resurrection morning she had no reason to regret her extravagance.

The Lord will not be satisfied with anything less from us, than that we too would have done what we could. It is those very “things”, that we have not yet given the Lord that keep us from having a deeper walk with him. God demands from us total surrender. He longs for pre-eminence in our lives. When we are not allowing Him to have control of everything in our lives, we are denying Him His rightful place. Not everyone will yield their will in total surrender. But for those that do, Jesus say’s, “Come unto Me…”

Every time the Word of God goes out, no matter how much or how little, the impact is great. God will use His Word to teach the saved and draw the lost unto Himself. It never comes back void. That means that it will never return to God useless, for it will have served it’s purpose one way or another, either to convict or to lead people into a better understanding of truth. Simply put, it will have done what it was suppose to do!

We must be willing to receive the will of God on His terms and never on ours. When this happens we will see an outbreak of revival in our personal lives, and then our homes and then in our churches. Revival is "The deeper walk…."

Praying for a renewed strength and power for you today,

Bren

MAINTAINING YOUR HUSBAND

Communication is the most important factor in meeting the needs of both husband and wife. It is important that each make known their needs one to another. A lack of communication can leave a huge whole in a relationship that can only be healed by personal touch and handling. Friendship is the heartbeat of every relationship, without it communication is a constant bearer in a marriage. Maintaining your husband comes through making sure that you are making every effort to love your husband the way that the Church should love Christ. It is work and effort to have and keep a happy husband. To do this it is important to know that his needs must be meet.

A wife is responsible for both the physical and emotional needs of her husband. She bears great influence on him in many ways and if he is not a strong Christian the wife can also turn her husband’s heart away from the Lord. The O.T. holds many warnings to men who choose ungodly women.

Marriages are like ships on the ocean, if they are not steered in the right direction, they move in the direction that the wind carries them. Not maintained, that marriage will drift into a ocean so large that it will seem impossible to ever get back on course. Many times couples will use a drifting marriage as an excuse to leave instead of working to correct the problems. With this said, the KEY word in maintaining your husband is WORK….and are you willing?

You must work at your attitude in how you speak to him. You must work at your time in how you are spending it being sure that you are making time for him from all your busy work, church work, children, friends, shopping; honoring what he ask of you. If he tells you to cut back on your spending...are you cutting back?

If you know of a certain thing that you are doing that is disrespecting him, are you honoring him by not doing it? Do you have the attitude of Christ when he is being unfair and selfish? How are you responding? Are you meeting his needs? Those are very important questions in maintaining him.

Are you spending time every day in prayer for him; that God would use your life’s example and help you to live the way you are commanded in order to reach him either for salvation, or to encourage him to be the kind of husband that you want him to be by how you act and respond to him?

After you have done everything that you know to do...keep doing them...don’t give up….don’t you dare give up….because, you may not be able to see it with your earthly eyes, but I can promise you on the authority of God’s Word that God is behind the scenes working on him at all times….you must take on the role of the postage stamp and stick to him, the Lord and your promise... and never give up!  

Anything worth having is worth the work....

Loving you today,

Bren