PARENTING TEENAGERS

Like myself, you too may find that people will praise you as a parent for the great job you are doing with your kids when they are younger and in the next phase of their life, those same folks are scratching their heads wondering where you went wrong by some behavior that they may witness, as one, both or all of your children "wings their way" through the teen years. Yet, no one is harder on us as parents, then we are ourselves. All of us including yourself have been right where your teenager is right now. While no one can really prepare for parenting teenagers, we can at least make the effort to understand them, for their sake as well as our own peace of mind. Your teen has no more idea of what is happening in them than you do in trying to understand that one morning they woke up, came down stars and they have been different ever since. Teen years are tough years, with raging hormones, tears, school, peer pressure, expectations and lots of confusion. They are no longer a child but not yet an adult either. They  want their independence, but they are not ready for all the responsibilities of an adult. The truth is being a teen is hard and everyone experiences that struggle for independence, but for some, that struggle is harder than it is for others. Some struggle longer than others and the parents are left to wonder if they will ever get to the other side. I want to encourage those of you today, parents who are in the deepest trenches, absolutely battling for their children’s loyalty, love, health and even their lives. Please know that you are not alone.  Hear that! Parenting troubled teens often involves silent suffering, which can trick you into thinking you are isolated and no one understands because they are not reaching out to you. An easy target for judgment or shame, so many families in crisis struggle alone, afraid or embarrassed or just too exhausted to reach out to others. Maybe they don’t want others to know about the shame and pain that they have been through, while you stand out like a rock about to roll off a cliff with yours. You question everything you ever did or didn’t do, simply trying to find a reason why your child is acting the way that they are. You ask yourself, "What did you do wrong? What didn’t you do right? What could you have done differently?" while the truth is for the most part, teenagers are whole human beings and they get to choose their steps. Families in crisis don’t need a jury of their peers; they need a community, family, a church of support, but many times they do not get it. A parent can virtually do everything they know to do right and their child can still rebel. While much of teen rebellion is part of a child's natural bend or order, there are certain circumstances that demand parents to take a hard course of action. If your teen is struggling outside the parameters of ordinary disobedience, you may want to reach out for help. Get the proper counseling before it gets too far out of hand.

Hold Fast,

-Bren