DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Difficult people exist everywhere you turn. They are in the work place, the home, church, siblings, in restaurants, hospitals and businesses. They come in every variety and there is no place on earth without them. They can cause you to want to pull your hair out. We ourselves can be difficult people at times as well. How difficult a person is for you to deal with depends on your self-esteem, your self-confidence and your professional and spiritual courage. Dealing with difficult people can be somewhat easier when the person is just generally obnoxious or when their behavior affects more than one person. But dealing with them is much tougher when you are dealing with them alone and they are attacking you personally by undermining your contribution to a particular task, choice, or possibly a standard or decision that you have made. People become difficult to us, because they conflict with us in some way or another.

Some talk constantly and have all the answers, yet they have difficulty in listening and following instructions. They are convinced that their way is the best way, and still others must always have the last word. Some people fail to keep commitments, yet they are the first to criticize anything that they did not create or do. Difficult people will often times compete with you for power, privilege and the spotlight; while some go way too far in courting their friends, leaders or boss’s position on a subject to your detriment. Some difficult people will attempt to undermine you and you can constantly feel as if you need to watch your back around them. They may even say unkind words about you, possibly even misrepresent what you said or meant to say about something. They can even persuade others to play favorites, and the favored party lords it over you. Sometimes they are a part of a group of people that has formed a clique and in their selfishness and greed leave you out. Difficult people and situations exist. They just do! And while you may not can change everyone or every situation you can be responsible for your own action and how you handle them. They all have one thing in common. They need to have their attitude adjusted; and while you feel like you are helpless in adjusting those negative attitudes, my friend, you are not! You play a very important role in the life of that difficult person. But you must first decide if the effort to you is in vain. Is that person worth trying to reach! May I say, yes they are. No matter how difficult a person is, it is never a waste to reach out in the spirit of love and touch someone with kind words and a loving attitude.

Many times throughout my life I have encountered difficult people. There have been times that I myself have been difficult. I can attest to the fact that it was through love and kindness that I responded and saw my own faults, rather than those that were as difficult as I was, in responding to me. I can recall people that have absolutely rubbed me the wrong way, so hard that my fleshly nature became raw and sensitive to anything they said or did. It made it very difficult to even be around them. But I must tell you, that through the washing and renewing of my faith and the Word of God, I found the strength and knowledge as to how to deal with those people, and in turn, won them over. But it was only through my own brokenness and humility that that happened.

I would like to share a few thing with you that I have learned, that will assist you and help ease your conflicts when they arise. First and foremost, no matter how difficult the situation, try not to place blame on yourself or the other person for any negative interactions that could start up a “blame game”. Consider first that there is always a reason why people do what they do. It may just be a case of your two personalities, "fitting poorly" or there may be something going on in your personal life or theirs, that is causing problems in and outside the workplace, family, friends or even Church. Remember that you don't have to be close with everyone; but just being polite, goes a long way toward getting along and appropriately dealing with difficult people. Your anger and ugly attitude will only make you look bad and give them the self-satisfaction that they may be looking for.

Always work to maintain a sense of humor as much as the situation affords you to. Those difficulties will roll off your back much more easily when humor and kindness is applied. Be sure to cultivate other more positive relationships in your life to offset the negativity of dealing with difficult people. Remind yourself that you are not perfect and take any personal responsibility that you may have in causing the situation to elevate any higher than it has to. Above all remember that a kind or gentle word turns away wrath (Proverbs 15:1) and you often times can alleviate a bad situation by pouring coals of love and mercy over someone who you feel may not deserve it! Romans 12:20 and Proverbs 25:21-22 encourage us to be kind to those who are unkind to us, thereby helping to soften their hearts and God Himself will reward you for it; and if they never change, it will not be to your account!

Loving you today,

Bren

THE FORMULA TO REAL RICHES

I recall reading a story once about these two men who shared a hospital room. One of the men had lung cancer and to help drain the fluid from his lungs was allowed to sit up for an hour each afternoon. His bed, was next to the room's only window. The other man spent all his time flat on his back and could not get up. The two men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, homes, jobs, the years they had spent in the military and even where they had vacationed. Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window was allowed to sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he was seeing outside their window. The man in the other bed began to live for those times when his roommate would describe to him all the activity and color of the world outside. The man in the bed by the window would describe how the window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water and children sailed their model boats. The man would tell how young lovers walked arm in arm amidst the rows of flowers of every color of the rainbow. He told how grand old trees graced the landscape, and he could see a fine view of the city skyline in the distance. As the man by the window described all that he saw in detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene. One warm afternoon the man by the window began describing a parade passing by. While the other man could not hear the music, he could see it in his mind's eye as his roommate portrayed it with his descriptive words. Suddenly, a selfish thought entered his mind. It didn't seem fair that the other man alone was allowed to experience all the pleasures of seeing everything while he himself never got to see anything? At first the man felt ashamed. But as the long days passed the man allowed his heart to be filled with envy which quickly turned into resentment, jealousy and bitterness. He began to brood over it and he found himself unable to even sleep. At that point the man had only one thought that ruled every other thought.  Late one night as he lay staring at the ceiling, the man by the window began to cough. He was choking on the fluid in his lungs. The other man watched in the shadow of the barley lit room as his roommate struggled, trying to grasp for the button to call for help. Listening from across the room the man lay still. He never bothered to push his own help button which would have brought the nurse running in. His bitterness had turned his heart into the saddest condition that a human heart could be in. In  a few short minutes the coughing and choking stopped, as did the sound of the man’s breathing and there was only silence. The following morning as the nurse arrived she found the lifeless body of the man by the window, she was saddened and quickly called the hospital attendants to take him away. As soon as it seemed appropriate to the other man, he asked if he could be moved over to the bed by the window. The nurse was happy to assist him and made the switch. Slowly and painfully he propped himself high enough to take his first look at the world outside. Finally he thought, he would have the joy of seeing it all himself. As he strained in the bed and turned to look out the window that his deceased roommate had once laid, he could not believe his eyes. He discovered that the window faced a blank wall. The man asked the nurse, what she thought could have compelled his deceased roommate to describe such wonderful things outside their window. The nurse responded that she did not know, because the man was blind and could not even see the wall. Perhaps, she said, he just wanted to encourage you. While I am not sure if this story is true or not, I do know that it provides us with a tremendous moral that we can learn from. There is real happiness in taking our eyes off our own problems and focusing on and encouraging others in theirs. For shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled. The formula to real riches is not found in the world, but by the selfless things that we do for others. We are not to be overcome with the evil that tempts our hearts to do wrong. But according to Romans 12:21 we are to overcome the evil that tempts us by doing the good and right thing.

Hold Fast,

Bren

STRUGGLING WITH THE LORD CONCERNING FAIRNESS

In a discussion that I had the other day with a niece, she was telling me how she had been struggling with the Lord concerning fairness. Something that we all often times will struggle with. You only have to go as far as your television and watch the evening news, with all of the violence and injustice in the world to become frustrated enough to ask questions like, “Why isn’t God doing something?” or “Why do the wicked and dishonest people seem to prosper in their dealings, or get elected to some of the prominent positions that are held?”

Those are certainly not new feelings. People have been feeling that way since the fall; and when man committed the first act of murder against his own brother. History is full of accounts where men and women have struggled with those very thoughts and fears. While not every act or struggle was recorded in the Bible, enough testimony was recorded to give us a glimpse of how sin has had its effects upon God’s creation. Some have even given their lives for what they deemed a “Cause” to fight against what they believed to be an unfair and unjust way of living and ruling over mankind. As a matter of fact around 620 B.C. a prophet named Habakkuk felt that way and wrote a book about it. Habakkuk expressed the same attitude that many people today share. He was outraged at the violence and injustice that he saw in the society of his day. In his book he lists six different problems that seemed to be repetitive, and emphasizes just how bad things were. There was sin, wickedness, destruction and violence, no justice in the courts, and the wicked outnumbered the good. Sounds like our society today, huh!

As with other prophets, Habakkuk’s name (meaning to embrace or wrestle) had something to do with the message of his book. It related to the fact, that he was wrestling with difficult issues and was questioning that; with God being good, why then did the evil in the world seem to prevail over good like it did. According to Habakkuk 1:2, he had been praying for a long period of time about this, with what he felt had little effect up to that point. He said, ”How long, O Lord, will I call for help, and Thou wilt not hear?”. That statement clearly indicated that Habakkuk was feeling like God was a tad bit indifferent and inactive on the part of getting his prayers answered in a timely matter.

Never think for a moment that men and women of faith never question God nor do they always sit around waiting faithfully and patiently for God’s plans to be fulfilled in the time that He requires. For the Bible is made up of folks just like you and me. Folks that doubt, fear, break God’s laws, worry, possess envy, have strife with one another and dishonor God by our life styles. Those that trust in God can and do question Him and His will. Yet, as His children, He has and always will hold them to a higher call and accountability. It is because of that very thing  that the prophet Amos wrote his book. His message in Amos 1-3 was that God thought Israel’s sin was worse that the surrounding nations because Israel had special revelations from God and should have known better. But in comparing their sin to those of the surrounding nations they felt that their own sin was not half as bad as their godless neighbors.

Sin appears to prevail because it’s very presence, exist in a fallen world and society. God’s way of dealing with sin and sinners is by providing the cross, which allows for those who accept it, a better way of understanding as well as a gift of eternal life. Which to the child of God brings comfort and a hope for the future. For those that do not understand, nor accept the cross and all its meaning and benefits, the reasoning is an empty and misunderstood answer to their questions and will not appeal to them at all.

There are going to be times that we do not understand God, and it will be those times that we will need to draw from the Word of God the truths and promises that He gives us. They are promises of hope and a sure future to them that love Him and are called according to His name. While Habakkuk did not fully understand why and even felt like even though Judah had her problems, they were still better than the Babylonians. And from man’s perspective they were better. The righteous have the laws of God that keep them righteous, and those laws are the only things that keep man separated from the land of the lost. Meaning that but by the grace and revelation of God to some, we would all be in the same category and fallen state. In your feelings towards God you can simply suppress them or express them. God says, come and reason with Him. We will achieve balance as we are swinging from one extreme to another, and finally come to rest where we find the most peace in our searching for understanding. Hold Fast, sweet friend, and never doubt in the darkness what God shows you in the light.

We find Habakkuk in chapter 1 as being low and discouraged. He was despairing because of the evil around him. In chapter two we see him as he goes up to the watchtower to wait for the second answer. In chapter three, we see him praising God and the last phrase of the book is “and makes me walk on my high places.” His book is a steady progression upwards spiritually towards God and that is what our struggles should be, simply a progression upwards!

Loving you today,

Bren

JOB, THE FATHER OF TROUBLE

In the quiet pages of the book of Job, the scripture reminds us that Job had a devotion to God, and in spite of all his pain and suffering he was determined to stay true to what he believed, that God was "Just", no matter the situation, and he knew in his heart that God always had His children’s best interest in mind. He was already a man that bared much spiritual fruit before his calamites came upon him. Which puts me in mind of a scripture found in the New Testaments that says, “Every branch that bears fruit, He (the Father) prunes it, that it may bear more fruit” John 15:2. God prunes the righteous (His children) by removing anything unproductive in our lives that is not bearing or reflecting Him and His character. Job’s life before his great calamity was a life worthy to be emulated and his life during and after his calamity was one of great example to follow as well.

The example that we should follow is to realize that when we don’t understand God, He can still be trusted. You see the devil caused Job’s troubles. But Job did not realize until later on, that it was the devil. He struggled with trying to understand why he was suffering. According to Job 19:1-12, at first Job thought that God was causing him to suffer, but in fact God did not. He only allowed his suffering and friend, there is a difference. He also pondered the fact that he believed that God may be a little unfair, because it appeared that God seemed to ignore some of the wrongs of the unjust  in Job 24. But those thoughts were about to be corrected in the latter chapters of this great story. Job had a few friends who thought the same thing and tried to advise him, but they gave him wrong advice. You see they did not think that God would allow an innocent person to suffer. So they thought that Job was guilty of something. While Job admits that he was a transgressor in Job 31:33, he did argue with them that he had done nothing wrong at that point to bring on his current calamity in Job 31. He still struggled within himself and with God in trying to figure out why the suffering was allowed. Now Job had another friend called Elihu who was much wiser than his other friends and listened to Job as he proclaimed, his innocence. Then he rebuked Job in chapter 32. While Elihu told Job not to accuse God, he was angry with the other friends for being so cruel to Job.

While Job never cursed God, he did struggle with God over some issues about his situation. Reading these verses reminded me of the times that I have wrestle with God over my own problems. Sometimes I know without a doubt why trouble has come my way. I do my best to repent of any actions that may have brought them on and move forward with a better understanding of how God prunes off the unfruitful and unprofitable things in my life. But sometimes, I do like Job and question God’s decisions, in why He allows certain things or does things the way He does; because sometimes it does seem to me, like the innocent suffer while the guilty get away with wrongdoing. But as Elihu reminded Job and his friends, God has a reason for everything that He allows, and if we know Him and trust Him, we are to counter our doubt and lack of misunderstandings with that faith.

The only purpose that satan had in bringing about Jobs’ conflicts, was in hopes that Job would curse and dishonor God because of his pain and suffering. And while Job struggled with trying to understand it all, he never cursed God according to Job 1:22. God himself tells us to come and reason with Him. He understands that we have questions. But we are never to doubt His reasons by thinking that He is unfair for what He does or allows. Understanding our situation will only become clear to us when, we surrender any frustration, bitterness, anger or self-opinion. I ended my scripture reading with this verse, Job 42:10,  "And the Lord turned the captivity of Job, when he prayed for his friends". That has deep meaning that is often times overlooked. Job prayed for the very ones that judged him and gave him wrong council, then God restored his loss, after he prayed for his friends and gave him twice as much as he had before.

According to John 15:9-13, that is exactly what Jesus is telling us. Jesus was saying to remain in love so that our joy may be complete. You see this is a prime example of how satan wants to do us harm by what he sends our way, yet if we respond as Job did in the right way, God will turn it around and use it for our good, to prune off the bad in us, so that the good fruit will surface and confirm to us a sure future. If you will simply respond as did Job in your situation knowing that God wants to use this bad thing for your good, you will more than likely endure with the right attitude and satan will slither away like the humiliated snake that he is; knowing that he failed again, just like he did with Job, and just like he did with Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane, headed to the cross. satan defeated once again! You see victory was won for Jesus in the garden when His final answer was, ”Not my will Father, but thine”. For Job it was Job 1:20-22 as he fell to the ground humble and broken in surrender and praise. It’s all about coming to the end of ourselves and choosing faith to get you through. Let us learn from Job, the father of trouble!

Loving on you today,

Bren

NOT WORTH A PEG

The vine is a well-known symbol for the nation of Israel. It serves no other purpose than to produce fruit. Ezekiel 15 talks about how the tree and its branches can provide timber for various jobs and purposes, but the vine was only as good as the fruit that it bore and therefore was useless if it was not bearing fruit. Because of the strength and purpose of the vine, it could not even be used to make a peg to hang things on and apart from bearing fruit on the vine, it served no other purpose whatsoever. Also, for it to bear fruit, it had to remain attached to the branch to receive it’s nourishment thereby having its total dependence from the branch. Because of its lack of uses, unless it was bearing good fruit it was barley worth the kindling that it might be used for in the fire. This scripture strongly reminds us that we, like the vine are spiritually worthless if we are not producing some type of good spiritual fruit. Ezekiel the profit was sending out the warning that because of the spiritual condition of Israel, they were on the verge of being purged, burned, even destroyed.

In the book of John Chapter 15, Jesus revealed that He was the true vine, and that God was the gardener. He said that God would cut off every branch in Him that was not bearing fruit and for the ones that were bearing fruit, God would prune those, so that they would bear even more fruit. He said, for those that had received the Word which was Him according to John 1, if they would remain in Him (by obeying Him and living for Him) then He would remain in them. He said that the only way that they could bear the kind of fruit that is acceptable to God was to remain in Jesus in order to bear His spiritual fruit. Otherwise, God would remove them, for they would no longer serve a spiritual purpose. It’s all about spiritual things. God is a Spirit and you are a spirit (with a body), and in order to worship Him and know Him you must do so in your spirit. Jesus went on to say that apart from Him we can do nothing…He was saying that without His power in us, we cannot accomplish the things of God, nor the things that God expects of us. If we do not remain in Him by obedience we are like branches that are no longer of any use. They wither and become dried up. Such branches He said, are picked up and thrown into the fire and burned, for they no longer serve a spiritual purpose. He further says that if we continue in Him then we will bear much fruit thereby showing ourselves to be His disciples.

What is your choice today? Is your value to God even worth being made into a peg if it means to be useful to Him. The little things do matter! However, being dried up and of no use God, matter deeply to Him. He yearns, longs and even begs us to come after Him, making Him the priority that He must be in our lives, for us to live the productive, caring and useful lives that He created us to have, and died to insure it... on our behalf....a fruit that will last John 15:16.

Loving you today,

Bren

WHEN GOD MAKES NO SENSE IN YOUR SITUATION

Over the years there have been many occasions that I would have despaired had I not believed, that while I could not see God’s will in my circumstance, I knew that I could trust that He had my best interest in mind, no matter what the answer was or how long it would take Him to accomplish His end results. I am yet to see the fruit of every answered prayer that I have prayed. Yet I know, He has not forgotten them; but they are being processed through the power of my trusting Him and in His time. It is never easy trusting God. As a matter of fact, it can be the hardest thing we will ever do. Often times people will lose hope and walk away from God when they believe that He has failed to rescue them or provide for them. It is so hard sometimes to understand that God does not always provide us a rescue in the way that we are asking Him to; and instead of trusting His wisdom we can become angry and even give up on Him. However, it is in those times that God is not asking us to trust Him but, He is teaching us; to trust Him one step at a time. We will never understand why we are where we are, if we are trying to reason ourselves into an answer, from our limited understanding of God and how He works. Many times I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would eventually see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living, by simply waiting for Him, to do what I cannot even fathom Him to be doing behind the scenes in  my situation. Oh precious friend, be strong and let your heart take courage…yes wait for Him and trust in Him even though your eyes and your patience’s tell you to give Him up.

God is on the other side of your situation already …working it out for you in His time and His good pleasure. Rest will come when you release your will to control over what you cannot change and rest in Him knowing that He is acutely aware of that situation and has a great plan to accomplish a great outcome for you and everyone involved. Sometimes, while you may not feel like you can see a ram in the thicket of your heart ache like Abraham was allowed to see right before he was about to take the life of his son;  does not mean that you never will. But your faith must be willing to trust God even when you are lifting up your precious Isaac to lay him or her, or it on the altar to God. When God seems the most absent, you can count on the fact that he is most present.

Every person that claims the name of Christ in their souls will be confronted with an Isaac experience a time or two, in their lives. There is no escape. Those testing come to knock out the whine in us and reveal to us our level of commitment to the One we love most. We then will ask ourselves , “Do we really believe that God is good and loving when our lives are irrevocably altered by hardships and heartache?  When we experience debilitating diseases, accidents, loss or heartbreaks by others, that were out of our control. We will be confronted and ask…am I still going to love, trust and obey? Will I still honor and yes even worship a God that will allow that kind of pain into the life of me His child? Even if he does not provide a ram in the thicket….a way of escape, provision? I say Yes Lord, I will trudge ahead, with my pain and even with any anger I may have, for my lack of understanding…I will weep when I feel like it, wipe my tears through the pages of Your Word and will continue to salvage what is left in me from the ashes of my pain and sometimes unthinkable circumstances to your Glory and the only way I know to go…..following in the footsteps that I trust You will provide….Your Words of encouragement when they come and even when they are silent….for where else would I go Lord!

I believe Isaiah 45:3 ….I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness…so you will know….the one who calls you by name! That is enough for me!

Loving you today,
Bren