LOSS & GRIEF

The horrific experience of loosing a spouse, sister, brother, parent or child is something that no one ever wants to face, yet at times, we all do. In the loss of a child, it is one of the most unnatural experiences that a parent would ever have to face and while every parent may fear it, more than likely most of us may never have to experience it. While I have no personal experience with loosing a child, I do know firsthand the pain of loss and that pain has often times driven me to a place where I could find and experience hope enough, to bear what I must and endure the shock and loss of something or someone that I loved deeply. A person that has recently experienced the loss of a loved one is simply needing and searching for hope. A hope that assures them that things are going to be okay and will get better than they are at the moment. A hope that promises them that at some point the pain will get better and they can begin to make some sense of what has happened.
Rebuilding their lives around their loss will be most challenging, but it is very possible. It will be a daily effort for a while as they learn to move on. No one ever really recovers from a loved one’s passing….they simply "move on", and learn to live in the new world that they now find themselves to be in. Finding resolution as they walk through their personal grief, they will be forced to learn to invest in other parts of life, task, relationships, trying to forge new meaning and understanding to their loss as well as their future without that precious loved one. While life may not feel normal for a while, there can be a “New Normal" for them in time; as they settle into that new world that they now are left with. Whether loosing a loved one by cancer or by an accident, there are some core issues and specific circumstances that have different emotional attachments that the bereaved are left to deal with. Turning to others for help and encouragement can help to aid in reaching a turning point away from the pain of the situation, to possibly see the good that can be drawn for it. Hearing other peoples stories of personal pain and loss can even allow a little bit of anonymity to say and ask questions that one may not be able to discuss with someone who has not walked in their shoes; and may not truly understand their hurt, pain, sadness and even anger. We should never deny ourselves time to grieve, God’s word encourages us to walk through our grief’s. Yet we must not allow ourselves to live in a state of grief. Letting go of grief in no way equates forgetting about that precious one that we may have lost; even though we may find it difficult to do so. Raw emotions can seem to last a lifetime... so grieve well, and one day those tears can be replaced by laughter and joy, as time heals and removes the rough edges of the pain. Every parent or person will have their own quest for solace over a loss. They may handle it different than what we would expect. But the fact that they are handling it and not filing it away is enough; because they are at least trying to walk through it.

There are different stages of grief and healing always takes time, so remember to take the time you need, discuss your feelings in whatever environment allows you to express them best....and always remember that the One that seeks to give you Comfort is never far away....
 "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God." II CORINTHIANS 1:3-4

Shock & Denial - At first, losing someone seems unreal. You can't believe it's happened. You play and re-play all of the events that led up to finding out over and over in your head. You will analyze every word said, every action performed, every detail no matter how small will be examined. You are looking for anything that will make sense. In those early moments, nothing will make sense and you begin to deny it happened and try to convince yourself it was just a dream. You will insist that this can't be happening to you. Not today, not now, you're not ready. You will tell yourself that you cannot handle this.
Pain & Guilt - Next the pain sets in. Your stomach hurts or it can feel hollow and numb. You ache inside and nothing soothes it. You begin to blame yourself for their loss. You wonder what you could have done, even should have done, to have prevented it. Without thinking about it, you try accept responsibility and insist that you somehow let them down and if you had just done one thing differently, they'd still be here. You'll shed a lot of tears at this stage.
Anger & Bargaining - At this stage, you become angry and indignant. You insist on having answers. You want someone to explain it, you want someone to fix it. You want someone to take responsibility because it just isn't fair. You are willing to make deals with God, the devil, or anyone else if it will just bring them back. And you want it now.
Depression & Loneliness - The realization of what's happened begins to set in. You are beginning to accept that they're not coming back. You begin to think about life without them. You experience depression and a gloomy sadness weaves its way into your everyday routine. You reflect back on how things used to be and try to reconcile it to how things are going to be now without them.
Making a Turn
Rebuilding and Working Through It - At this point, you've decided it's time to move on with your life. You begin to create ways to find moments of happiness that still honor their memory. There is a certain respect that you have for the one who has died. You begin to see your work at getting better as something they would be proud of and you feel good about doing it. You know that there are others in your life that need you and want you to be whole. Keeping in mind that what you have been through will some day help someone else walk in their own pain and loss.
Acceptance & Hope - At this stage, you have accepted their death and you realize that blaming anyone (including yourself) doesn't bring them back. You realize that life does go on and you will be okay. You have hope for your future, even though your future no longer includes them. You honor their memory with loving thoughts of them. You are proud of yourself for being a survivor. You still miss them, you still wish they were here, but you understand that in order for you go on, you must accept that which you can not change and in doing so things will be okay just like they are.  

Loving on you today, and praying for your pain to pass quicky!
Bren