I came to know Christ at the age of nineteen. I soon learned that there was nothing more important as a child of God than to know Him; and to do that I had to study His Word. It was and is today the desire of my heart for God's will to be accomplished in and through my life regardless of the consequences to me personally. I have learned that I can trust Him when by faith I can see, feel and know His presence and peace as well as when it is dark and I have no feeling, no sense to go by and no great miracle to see, only a feeling of darkness. It is in those times that I remind myself, that God is not absent during His silence in my life. Even though it may seem like He is not speaking to me through His Word or in my situations and circumstances. However, by faith I know that He is, and that alone is enough. My faith becomes my vision when I find myself walking in the dark without answers.
Years ago when I younger, I went spelunking with some friends in a cave in Arkansas. Some of us had never been spelunking before and had no idea of what we were getting ourselves into. Fortunately we going with some people who had been exploring caves for years; and they knew exactly where all the dangerous spots were, in the cave that we were going to explore. I don’t believe that there was any other time in my life, that I have ever placed myself in a more dangerous situation, as I did that day.
It wasn’t long being in that dark hole, in the ground, before I realized that I had made a terrible mistake. While we were all warned to be careful, they never mentioned all the things to be careful of. For example, it was so dark that we could not see one foot in front of the other and that we would be walking on a sidewalk that was 1 foot wide, if that wide, in most places and is referred to as a ridge, not a sidewalk. They tied us to a rope that was connected to the person in front of you and behind you. That way if someone should fall into a pit, lake of fire or pool of blind fish, where your body freezes almost the instant you come in contact with the water, that person will not have to go by themselves. ….(and yes I did take a little comfort in the fact that, if I should be the one to fall, I would not go alone) but that thought soon gave way to despair when it dawned on me, “What if the person in front of me or behind me falls?”. I spent a lot of time thinking about how mad I was going to be at either of the two jug heads that I was tied with; if they did not pay attention and slipped, dragging me with them.
The walls and floor of the cave were all wet and cold. To slip and fall into the dark abyss was an understatement in that cave. I guess, that in the kayos of hurrying to get started, they failed to mention that whatever we did, we SHOULD NOT TOUCH the walls. They also forgot to tell us the fact that we were not going to be alone once we dropped through the 10 foot hole in the ground….yes DROP…INTO….THE GROUND….not walk into the opening of a coil miners cave. I’m talking drilling for oil kinda hole.
I felt pretty dumb as I let crazy people talk me into dropping down into a 10 foot hole in the ground... into completed darkness….however, as I accidentally tried to grab hold of the wall of the cave to catch myself as I landed on my feet, I realized, that it was not meant for humans to go under ground and I had no business there. It seemed like the instant that my hand hit the wall of that cave something touched me and to this day I have no idea what it was. I did not give it time to get intimate with me though, as I snatched my hand back and quickly put it in my pocket.
As I (and yes by the way, I did scream) managed to resume my shaky but nevertheless composure, I stood frantically, contemplating as to staying right there until everyone else was through with their “stupid little trip”, to what had seemed to me, had turned into a “trip to see the devil” or climb back up the shaft, neck or whatever they called that upside down corridor (or in my own terminology way of escape).
I reasoned that there was no way that I had the muscle to climb back up that rope by myself. I also knew that I positively did not want to be by myself in total darkness when the group walked off and left me behind with whatever it was that lived down there and had greeted me with a hand shake when I first arrived. So, I chose not to stay by myself and with much reluctance, I followed the crowd.
While many years have passed since that little excursion, I in all honesty have forgotten any of the fun parts that I may have experienced, and I am left with only feelings of fear whenever I recall that trip. I do remember, that it sounded like a chicken farm as we all followed each other through the darkness and I found out pretty soon that I was not the only chicken on the farm. The girls were all making what seemed to be these clucking sounds that made the guys all laugh; in which we all knew, they were using their laughter to cover their own fear; because of the sound effects that were coming from their feet scratching around trying to find their next foothold. It sounded like chickens scratching on the ground. Believe me, when it comes to darkness we are all mere chickens!
I do recall a few very important lessons that I learned from my experience in walking in the dark. One was the fact that, it is possible to walk in darkness and survive. And when you are trying to walk in complete darkness, you learn awfully quick to either stay where you are (with the fear of the unknown that hides in the darkness) or trust the one who says….I know the way! I have been here before and if you will place your feet in the places where I have stepped, you will be fine (Of course I did realize, that it was easy for the guide to say that, because he was not tied to Curley and Moe). But I knew that he was the only way out and I had no choice but to stay with him, or either with whatever that was trying to get my attention by touching my hand. Easy choice!
I also realized that the darkness was in this weird sort of way, my friend. It protected me from seeing the little spooky things like the little creatures that live in caves. Some people say, that most animal’s instinct, is to run from you….not in caves….they are so lonely down there that they can’t wait for you to come see them…or better yet, feel them! Yuck!
Well of course I am jesting here….but never the less, there was a lesson for me to learn from my experience in walking around in that dark cave. The lesson was that it was possible to walk even when I could not see the next step; and while darkness may appear to be scary, I do not have to fear it as long as I am following someone whom I can trust to lead me through it; no matter if the darkness is physical or spiritual.
You see the scriptures tell us that we wrestle not with flesh and blood, but with darkness and principalities. That means, that we are wrestling with principalities that live in the dark... and while we may not be able to see them, we can feel their presence... through discouragement, pain, disorder, grief, anger, bitterness and the list goes on. It is so easy to trust God in the light when we can see everything and it all makes sense. But sweet friend, we can trust Him in the dark as well! He is there to be our guide when we can not seem to find our way. While we may not be able to see, we can trust His eyes to see for us and lead us through the dark times, because we know who He is and that He see’s the big picture when we can not. His footsteps are stable and they can be trusted. But the only way that we can see them in order to follow them, is through faith and obedience. Our faith and obedience is the vehicle that allows God to take us where He goes.
Sometimes God may ask (Psalm 46:10) that we be still and wait for a time. When He does, we need to stop and not make another move. Not until we have exact direction as to what we need to do next. So many times we get ourselves into these “fixes”, because we do not want to wait. As we begin to wonder around on our own, without His direction, we can find ourselves getting into bigger problems than what we started out with. He tells us in Hebrews 13:6 that He will never leave nor forsake us….that means that He is not absent during His silence. Ps. 46:10 says, “Be still and know that I am God". During those times that we are being still, we are to know Him, consider Him… understand His abilities to help us, and show us the way that we are to go. That scripture is basically saying….”Hold on a minute now!...Don’t you make a move until you realize who I am, and what my plans for you are!"
It really would do us all some good to remember that more often. Sometimes, we get to going so fast in our decision making that we forget to inquire the mind of God in a situation. Years ago I taught a class of 5 years on Sunday mornings and one day one of the children ask me why we had to close our eyes and sit still when we pray. I of course used all the theology that I had studied in Bible collage and told them...."that it helps our concentration….when we shut our eyes and get still, we can focus better on "Who' we are praying to, and what we need to say".
Sometimes I think God puts us in a quiet situation so that we can have some time to reminisce on the things that are important. Think about what we have done or just think about how good He is and what’s important….and while we are in the quite chair thinking, God is behind the scenes working things out to benefit us. When our girls were little, Charles and I used the board of education whenever it was needed. But many times we would simply make them sit down and tell them to think about what they had done or said, and ask them to think about what God might have to say or feel about their actions and situation . It is only when we decide to get up before He tells us to that our answers and the time we must sit still are prolonged.
There were times when my children were young, that they did not always understand why I did the things that I did on their behalf. Because they were immature and inexperienced, they were unable to understand. They had not experienced life at that point and I had to make the decisions for them on the experience and wisdom that I had as an adult. Yet as they grew up and began to learn from their own experiences have they really understood and learned exactly what I was trying to teach them. But, even though they were immature and inexperienced, they still had to decide whether to trust me or not; and through their trust and obedience they would either attain wisdom and maturity or they could rebel and not grow in that particular area of their life.
That is God’s intentions for His children. Many Christians never grow up….they stay in the infant state of Christianity all their life. I Peter 2 says…like newborn babies… long for the pure milk (meat) of the word, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation. I Cor. 3 reminds us that there are Christians that can not be spoken to as mature but as if they did not even know God because of the way they act and reason….”And I, brethren, could not speak to you as to spiritual men, but as to men of flesh, as to infants in Christ. I gave you milk to drink, not solid food (meat); for you were not yet able to receive it. Indeed, even now you are not yet able, for you are still fleshly….Hebrews 5:14 says, But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil.
A mature child of God is a growing child. They are growing spiritually because they are feasting on a regular diet of God’s Word. As His Word is ingested their spiritual senses are nourished and serve the Christian by providing discernment, wisdom, and a stronger desire for godliness and to know God on a deeper level. It’s like when a person is born they are babies; and as a baby they can only digest milk from a bottle. As they grow older the idea is that they desire solid foods. Wouldn’t it look odd to see a 40 year old man or women walking around with a bottle in their mouth, because they refused to give it up. As a baby grows their need for food changes from milk to baby food and then to the types of food adults eat. This is the same way it is with being a growing, maturing, child of God. While Christians still posses a sin nature, if they are feeding the spiritual nature and starving the sin nature, their desire to sin and do wrong becomes weaker. They find that they have more power to do as they should and not as the flesh in them tempts them to do. Jesus had those same natures in Him. But through His life's example, He taught that the true child of God can overcome their fleshly nature as well.
I believe there is no other place in scripture, where Jesus' human nature is reflected and where He reveals that He is not only God but man, than when He was in the garden. He was surrounded by not only the physical darkness, but spiritual darkness as well. He agonized and begged with the Father concerning His trip to the cross. His pain was so intense, that His body produced blood through it’s pores. His prayer ....that, if there could be any other way to accomplish His goal to save mankind, that His Father would make it happen. Yet, because His spiritual nature was stronger than His fleshly nature, He chose God’s will to be done over His own. That did not mean that His will was wrong or that He was changing His mind, because he struggled; it meant that the will of God was more important to Him than the flesh in Him as He drew closer to that dreaded night and the next few days as they were to bring on the events that were to separated the Father from the Son as Jesus became sin's atonement for the world.
While I do not know what accusations the devil placed in His mind that evening, I am sure that it was similar to what He says to us as he whispers in our ear in dark times. While only God, Jesus and satan know the torment and agony that the Son of God experienced that night, Jesus' tormentor more than likely used the truth to battle with Him. Things like, “Here you are distressed and deeply in grief and even your friends are unconcerned. Look at them, they are sleeping. They won’t even stay up and hour to pray with you and comfort you. You do realize don't you, that as you are dying unjustly on that cross that Your own Father will turn His face from You.”.... It was not death that Jesus feared. He knew that for the first time in His life He was going to feel separation from His Father. For He knew that as he was dying on the cross that God would have to turn His face from His Son as Jesus would take on the SIN of all mankind. God’s Word says that He can not look upon sin. Jesus knew that and the closer He got to the cross the more real it became. However, at the end of His struggle He wanted His Father’s will to be accomplished in and through His life regardless of the consequences to Him personally. As Jesus spoke the words, ..."not My will, but Thine", He sealed His future as He drew closer to the darkness that He had to face alone.
Walking in the darkness is not so bad when you have someone you can trust to get you through it! God’s Word says that He knows and understands the pain and darkness that we go through because He Himself has experienced them as well. His death not only provided provision for all mankind to spend eternity with Him, if they repent and turn to Him accepting the Work that He did on the cross, but it also provideed mankind with the most caring and understanding friend that they could ever know. Jesus said that He was the Way, the Truth, and the Life…no man comes to the Father but by Him. John 14:6
He has already walked the path that you are on right now my friend.....look for His footsteps, they are there...and then, begin to place your feet in each step as he shows you. Please know that I love you and pray that you are all growing as you are going….
Love,
Bren
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