There will be times when people fail us, disappoint us, hurt us, or make choices that leave us wondering how someone we trusted could treat us that way. In those moments, bitterness can become an easy place to live. We replay what happened, rehearse what was said, and allow disappointment to slowly harden our hearts. But as children of God, we are called to something greater. “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you… And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” Ephesians 4:31–32. God does not ask us to pretend that we were not hurt; He asks us not to allow the hurt to become who we are.
Sometimes the very situation we would gladly remove from our lives is the situation God uses to build something in us that we desperately need. “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God.” Romans 8:28. God can use rejection to teach us dependence, disappointment to teach us grace, and conflict to teach us patience. What someone intended to wound us with, God can use as an instrument of our spiritual growth. He is perfecting us, not simply for our own benefit, but so that we can become more useful in His kingdom. “Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.” Philippians 1:6.
That is why we should always leave room for the possibility of reconciliation. Reconciliation does not mean ignoring what happened or allowing someone to continue hurting us. It means keeping our hearts open to what God may want to do in the relationship. “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” Romans 12:18. Sometimes reconciliation begins with a conversation. Sometimes it begins with forgiveness. Sometimes it means extending grace when we would rather hold onto our right to be angry. And sometimes, despite our best efforts, the other person may not respond. But our responsibility is to make sure that our heart remains surrendered to God rather than controlled by resentment.
Above everything else, Scripture calls us to love first. Jesus said, “By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.” John 13:35. Love cannot be reserved only for those who treat us well. Jesus commands us to love even those who have hurt us: “Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.” Matthew 5:44. That kind of love is not weakness, it is Christlikeness. It takes the power away from bitterness and places the situation back into God’s hands.
We can serve, preach, sing, teach, give, sacrifice, and do many things that appear spiritual, but if love is missing, something essential is missing. Paul reminds us in 1 Corinthians 13:1, “Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.” In other words, service without love may make noise, but it does not carry the heart of Christ. God is not merely interested in what we do for Him; He is concerned with what He is producing in us while we do it. Perhaps the person who failed you has become part of a lesson God is teaching you a lesson in forgiveness, humility, patience, grace, and love. So don’t become embittered by the one who hurt you. Lean into what God can do through the situation. Let Him use the pain to perfect your heart, prepare you for greater service, and make you look more like Jesus. And when you have a choice between being right and loving first, remember Jesus chose love.
Hold Fast,
-Bren
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