Tuesday, January 31, 2012

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Difficult people exist everywhere you turn. They are in the work place, the home, church, siblings, in restaurants, hospitals and businesses. They come in every variety and there is no place on earth without them. They can cause you to want to pull your hair out. We ourselves can be difficult people at times as well. How difficult a person is for you to deal with depends on your self-esteem, your self-confidence and your professional and spiritual courage. Dealing with difficult people can be somewhat easier when the person is just generally obnoxious or when their behavior affects more than one person. But dealing with them is much tougher when you are dealing with them alone and they are attacking you personally by undermining your contribution to a particular task, choice, or possibly a standard or decision that you have made. People become difficult to us, because they conflict with us in some way or another.

Some talk constantly and have all the answers, yet they have difficulty in listening and following instructions. They are convinced that their way is the best way, and still others must always have the last word. Some people fail to keep commitments, yet they are the first to criticize anything that they did not create or do. Difficult people will often times compete with you for power, privilege and the spotlight; while some go way too far in courting their friends, leaders or boss’s position on a subject to your detriment. Some difficult people will attempt to undermine you and you can constantly feel as if you need to watch your back around them. They may even say unkind words about you, possibly even misrepresent what you said or meant to say about something. They can even persuade others to play favorites, and the favored party lords it over you. Sometimes they are a part of a group of people that has formed a clique and in their selfishness and greed leave you out. Difficult people and situations exist. They just do! And while you may not can change everyone or every situation you can be responsible for your own action and how you handle them. They all have one thing in common. They need to have their attitude adjusted; and while you feel like you are helpless in adjusting those negative attitudes, my friend, you are not! You play a very important role in the life of that difficult person. But you must first decide if the effort to you is in vain. Is that person worth trying to reach! May I say, yes they are. No matter how difficult a person is, it is never a waste to reach out in the spirit of love and touch someone with kind words and a loving attitude.

Many times throughout my life I have encountered difficult people. There have been times that I myself have been difficult. I can attest to the fact that it was through love and kindness that I responded and saw my own faults, rather than those that were as difficult as I was, in responding to me. I can recall people that have absolutely rubbed me the wrong way, so hard that my fleshly nature became raw and sensitive to anything they said or did. It made it very difficult to even be around them. But I must tell you, that through the washing and renewing of my faith and the Word of God, I found the strength and knowledge as to how to deal with those people, and in turn, won them over. But it was only through my own brokenness and humility that that happened.

I would like to share a few thing with you that I have learned, that will assist you and help ease your conflicts when they arise. First and foremost, no matter how difficult the situation, try not to place blame on yourself or the other person for any negative interactions that could start up a “blame game”. Consider first that there is always a reason why people do what they do. It may just be a case of your two personalities, "fitting poorly" or there may be something going on in your personal life or theirs, that is causing problems in and outside the workplace, family, friends or even Church. Remember that you don't have to be close with everyone; but just being polite, goes a long way toward getting along and appropriately dealing with difficult people. Your anger and ugly attitude will only make you look bad and give them the self-satisfaction that they may be looking for.

Always work to maintain a sense of humor as much as the situation affords you to. Those difficulties will roll off your back much more easily when humor and kindness is applied. Be sure to cultivate other more positive relationships in your life to offset the negativity of dealing with difficult people. Remind yourself that you are not perfect and take any personal responsibility that you may have in causing the situation to elevate any higher than it has to. Above all remember that a kind or gentle word turns away wrath (Proverbs 15:1) and you often times can alleviate a bad situation by pouring coals of love and mercy over someone who you feel may not deserve it! Romans 12:20 and Proverbs 25:21-22 encourage us to be kind to those who are unkind to us, thereby helping to soften their hearts and God Himself will reward you for it; and if they never change, it will not be to your account!
Loving you today,
Bren

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